Chinese Consulate Dos and Don'ts

This is a joint bitch session.

DO:
-Go to Bob's Café on Wilshire Blvd. and Shatto Pl. You will not only get delicious coffee, but he may greet you by your true title as "King" or "Queen." Happy Friday.

DON'T:
-Show up at 7:17a at 500 Shatto Pl.; it's too early.

DO:
-Show up at 7:30a. You will be first in line.

DON'T:
-Take the stairs. The door from them is still locked and the people you beat to the consulate will beat you to the visa-room (even if you take the stairs four at a time like Lucas did).

DO:
-Kick Lucas.

DON'T:
-Forget something to do for and hour and a half.

DO:
-Bring your PASSPORT, VISA APPLICATION, and DECLARATION FORM.

DON'T:
-Bring money or try to consolidate all your documents in one folder if there are two or more of you. The little Chinese ladies in SARS masks and blue plastic gloves will ask you to "Please hurry, sir!"

DO:
-Plan on being ticket A004. Remember, Number Two in line has ticket A001, and the woman who got off the elevator at 9:03a cut you in line, and is now A002, ahead of about 40 or 50 other people who showed up between 7:30a and 9a.

DON'T:
-Be surprised when they keep your passport, don't accept your money, hand you a pink slip, and tell you to "Come back, pick up next Fly-day."

DO:
-Bring cash, not a cashier's check. Your American sensibility of safety doesn't apply here.

DON'T:
-Buy the envelopes and stamps from the post; they no longer do mail out service.

DO:
-Plan to stay until "next Fly-day" or make another trip in a week. Alternately, plan to pay a courier and make sure you do that a month or two ahead of time. We're not sure whether they can pick up your stuff or just send it back, because our dumb asses did it indie-style.

DON'T:
-Get mad when people aren't polite to you, just blame it on a culture gap.

DO:
-Make sure you have the mental and spiritual patience of a monk, or at least a fun trip buddy if you do decide to handle this process yourself.

We're going to Kinko's now to print out our super-discounted Six Flags tickets so we can vomit out all this frustration. We may also be investigating a courier service to see if we can get someone to pick our stuff up "next Fly-day." If not, you'll see a re-iteration of this blog sans stop in Quartzite and the breakfast "biscuit."

Love, L and K.